Alter Egos
by Ace Matrix
Summary: a story that occurs when characters from stories i've written all walk into a bar together. R & R please


Alter Egos We've all heard those 'guy walks into a bar' jokes, but what do you do when every guy that walks into a bar is actually the same guy? This is the story of what happens when some of the alter egos I've created for various fanfics go into their favorite bar after a hard day of battling some of the worst evils my little mind could concoct. This is going to be fun... The human warrior walked into the corner bar quaintly named 'The Place'. He took his normal stool at the corner of the bar among the various other beings. To his left Zeo, a member of the Green Lantern Corps and Zeon, a saiya-jin prince. On his right, bruised and battered, Starfire, the living super-weapon sat. The warrior, Ace Matrix, sipped on a scotch and listened to the various conversations that were going on: Zeo and Starfire were comparing 'superheroing' notes and the various ways to catch a villain, while Zeon and the bartender, a dark godly form of Starfire named Darkfire, were comparing the best ways to kill an enemy. Ace wasn't really interested in chatting with them at the moment; he was waiting for the arrival of the last member of their little group to arrive. Suddenly he heard the usual humming sound and saw the shimmering and rapidly appearing quantum mist materialize into a person. No one gave a second glance to the man who beamed into the bar. He just looked around and took up the up the last empty stool next to Ace. Ace glanced at his bright Starfleet uniform and the admiral's pips on his collar. He ordered the same thing as Ace and began to strike up a conversation. "So Ace," he began, "what's up?" "Not much Admiral," he replied, "just destroyed another Neo OZ plot to take over earth and the colonies. You?" "Stopped a Borg invasion and prevented a war between the Cardassians and Klingons," the admiral countered. "That's nothing," Zeo chimed in, "I fought 600 bioroids and Alex Nero, that psychopath with the yellow ring. Twice." "Yeah, well I fought everyone in Heaven and Hell today and Princess Vega made me dress up in a dress and serve her," Zeon offered. Starfire looked over at him, "Pissed King Yamma off again didn't you?" "Maybe," Zeon said innocently. Starfire looked at the TV and said, "I protected my planet from a super-bioroid and the Insecticon Empire sent thirty or forty thousand soldiers to destroy me." "You look like crap," Zeo said to Starfire, "and I mean that in the nicest way." "Well I feel like crap, too," he said. Ace raised his glass, "A toast to superheroes," he said, "and here's hoping the superviliains take tomorrow off." They all drank to that. Starfire and Zeo raised their glasses, "and here's hoping that we all survive this twisted author's fanfics," they said. They all drank two shots to that. The author looked at them as he typed and said, "Hey a guy's gotta make a living, you know?" They all nodded and raised their glasses, "Here's to the author making a living off of our misfortune," the admiral said, "However many times he may have tried to kill us, or maim us, or screw our lives up." They all drank a few shots to that. A beautiful girl walks into the bar, catching the attention of all the guys at the bar. She walks right passed them and goes over and sits on the author's lap. Zeo looked at the author and said, "You're so cruel," "I know," the author said. After a few more pointless toasts they were all passed out on the bar. They slept for a few hours only to be awakened by the chirping of the admiral's comm. badge. He awoke and tapped the badge, "Matrix here, go ahead," he said. "Sir, the Borg are attempting to invade the Alpha Quadrant again," the young ensign said. "That's the third time this week," he said, "Prepare to transport on my signal." "Well it looks like you're gonna have a bad night too," Starfire said. He nodded and said, "Goodbye everyone." He tapped his comm. badge again and said, "One to beam up," he paused, not really wanting to go. He sighed and said, "Energize." He disappeared in a shimmering quantum mist. Zeon looked up from his vacant stare session and said, "I sense the ki of a great warrior, and I must go and fight him if I am to become strong enough to protect the princess." He touched his hand to his forehead and teleported away. "That's two down," Ace said, "three to go." Suddenly the bar began to shake and the floorboards bulged. A dark power shot up between the floorboards and caused them to shatter. A black creature with bulging muscles and red glowing eyes, radiating power, appeared in the hole in the floor. "What is it?" asked Zeo, looking shocked. "I am the embodiment of all the author's negative emotions," it said, "You were all created from his hopes and dreams, while I was created from feelings such as rejection, anger, sadness and other all the other negative feelings people caused him. Now I intend to kill you all and take over!" They looked over at the author as he tried to type his way out of this one. He disappeared leaving a puzzled looking Zeon in his place. "How did I get here?" the saiya-jin warrior asked. He looked at the monster and immediately went SSJ 2 and took a fighting stance. The monster immediately blasted Starfire into the wall with black eyebeams. Starfire hit the wall and screamed in agony as the beams began to tear him apart. Zeon was shocked, but nonetheless delivered his most powerful Kamehameha wave to the monster. The monster raised his right hand and began to absorb the ki attack. This pissed Zeon off even more causing him to put even more power into the attack. "Super Kaioken," he screamed. The ki attack got even bigger, but the monster continued to absorb it. Zeo saw his chance and flew up to the monster. He covered his hand with energy from his ring and punched the monster in the face, causing the eyebeams to stop and Starfire to collapse to the floor. He threw another punch, but the monster caught it and sampled some power from his ring. The monster batted Zeo into a wall and threw a piece of himself off and onto the ground. The piece grew into a fully human look-a-like of Zeo with black hair and a black ring. "Black Lantern," the monster said, "deal with your counterpart while I take care of the saiya-jin." The Black Lantern nodded and began to attack Zeo, matching him move for move. The monster, however, attacked Zeon head on. He threw punches and kicks that Zeon could barely keep up with. He knocked Zeon to the ground and hovered in the air above him. He looked like he was deep in thought for a moment and then he did the strangest thing he could have done: he fired a Kamehameha wave at Zeon, shocking the hell out of everyone. "How.did.you?" Zeon barely got out. "I am part of the same mind that you are, so I know all your moves," he said. The monster prepared to fire another blast when a ki beam came out of nowhere and lanced through his stomach. He screamed and turned around to face the new attacker. In the doorway stood Vega, princess of the saiya-jin and Kiomi Namiki, a demon outlaw. Vega went SSJ 2 and took up an attack stance against the monster, while Kio went for the Black Lantern. Vega struck with powerful physical and ki attacks that Zeon could barely match in his present condition. Kio, however, came out of a dark warp behind the Black Lantern and bit into his neck, draining him of massive amounts of blood. He tried to resist her, but only succeeded in throwing her off. She quickly pulled out her trusty Hyoji katana and stabbed it through his midsection. He blinked and looked at the blade running through him, before collapsing to the ground, dead. Vega and Zeon were not having much luck with their enemy. He just kept absorbing their ki when they attacked. He threw Vega to the ground and prepared to blast her into oblivion. He pointed his hand at her and charged up a blast. Suddenly, Zeon's fist connected with the monster's jaw, creating a sickening snap as its head twisted 180 degrees around. Zeon was at SSJ 3 giving him the power to send the creature stumbling into the sharp blade of Kio's Hyoji katana. The monster began to collapse to the ground, but before it could, Zeon's fist connected with his stomach. "If you ever touch her again," Zeon threatened, "I'll tear off your limbs and feed them to you!" The monster collapsed to the ground and Zeo placed a containment field around it with his ring. The monster reached up and twisted its head around to its normal position. Starfire regained consciousness and stood up. He saw everyone standing around the containment field with the monster inside. He teleported into the containment field, next to the monster and took off his gloves, revealing his bare hands. His hands looked as if they were made of pure energy; he raised them and prepared to touch the monster. "Starfire," Zeo shouted, "what are you doing?" "It's not enough that we kill this thing," he said, "we have to ensure it can't reform itself from more negativity." He touched his hands to the monster's flesh and lightning flashed through the containment field. His energy flowed into the monster, saturating its molecular structure and rearranging it. The monster screamed as it began to ripple and morph. The creature turned a brilliant blue and phased into nothing. Zeo dropped the field in time to catch the collapsing Starfire. He carried Starfire to the bar and laid him down on it. At this point Darkfire teleported back in and repaired the whole bar with a snap of his fingers. Zeon walked over and helped Vega get back to her feet. Kio was behind the bar making B-037's for everyone, while Zeo scanned Starfire for injury. Zeon pulled out some senzu beans and passed them around to everyone. Zeo took two; one for himself and the second he stuffed into Starfire's mouth. Ace climbed out from under some rubble that buried him during the battle. He popped in a senzu bean and looked over at Starfire. "What's the diagnosis doc?" he asked. "Well," Zeo replied, "I think he used more energy than he planned to defusing that creature." "You think?!?" Vega said, slightly annoyed. "Well, I've never had a chance to study such an alien physiology before," he said, "but I think he'll be just fine." Zeon walked over to the princess and said, "Maybe we should let G.L. do his job and heal Starfire." They walk over to the bar and sit down, sipping at the B-037's Kio made for them. Starfire awakens and sits up. He looks around, grabs a B-037 and quickly gulps it down. He hops down and sits on a stool next to Vega. "I think he'll be alright," Zeo repeated. Ace walks out from behind the bar with a deck of cards. "Anybody up for poker?" he asks. They all run to the poker table. He joins them at the table and starts shuffling the cards. "Ok, now the game is strip poker," he said calmly, "any questions?" (If you look closely you can see the vain in the side of Kio's head throb as she chases Ace around the bar for winning her top and then taking a picture for Arcane.) The End 


End file.
